I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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