My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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