I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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