My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
