The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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