he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know her cup size but not her name....
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
