i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
