Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
