YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
