We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
