I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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