Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So squirting runs in the family.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
