There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
