i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
