I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
