Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
