Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
