im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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