waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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