So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
