tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
As shirtless as possible
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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