i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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