Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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