I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
