Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
