I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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