The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
