I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Green mimosas i think yes
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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