There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Less talking, more tequila
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
