just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
