Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I will be naked everywhere
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
