i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
