please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
