the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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