I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
