It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Let's paint friendship bongs
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
