the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
