not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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