Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
