Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
