You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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