new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
