we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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