my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
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so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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