since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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