I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
