i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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