I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
