Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
