He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This house was built for laser tag.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
