please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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