the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
