Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
