soooo we both peed the bed last night...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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