His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
