god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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