This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
