I hate all girls vehemently.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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