He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
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just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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