It's Friday. Sex?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
