Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
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