now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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