How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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