i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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