You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
