He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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