My nipple is on Facebook.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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