not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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