It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
