i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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