So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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