I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
