Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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